my wife has been lieing to me about talking to her ex?

Question

My wife and I have been together for about 3 years. We spit up for a month about a year ago. When we got back together I found out that she started talking to her ex. She said he was just a friend but when I looked at her email I saw that he was talking dirty to her she wasn't talking like that back but she wasn't putting a stop to it. I told her that I didn't like her talking to him because of the way he's been talking to her. She told me that she would stop but when I checked her email I saw that she was lieing because she was still talking to him. She has lied a few times about that. And about a month ago I found out that when we were spit up she went over there and they messed around. When ever I try to talk about it she gets mad and we don't end up talking about anything. She makes me feel loved but there are times when she makes me feel like she hates me. I love her I want to trust her when she tells me that she hasn't been talking to him but she's lied to me in the past so who knows. What should I do?its hard because we have a family together.
why does she get mad at me when I want to talk about it?
What's the right thing to do?help!

Answer 1

Well heres the thing...whenever we check someone elses email, we are reading all of the things that they never thought you would see. And you should not have seen. You should have minded your own business and not snooped thru her email. I understand the trust issue, but it sounds like you had a rocky relationship in the past, and she found rebound romance with the ex. Now she wants him in her life as a friend, the ex wants her in his life but wouldn't mind a little more than friends. But I look at this as your wife proving her trust, because she could have talked dirty back but she didn't. She obviously was able to talk that way back if she was interested but she didn't. That says something. And while I see your frusteration about your wife letting her ex talk that way, I also think you need to to stop being insecure and jealous. Maybe a marriage counsoler is what you need, since you can not communicate with eachother. If you have tried to talk to her, which you said you did, how do you approach it? Are you coming at her with You, You did this, You did that statements? YOU need to sit back and have a conversation without placing blame or pointing fingers. Just ask her if you guys can talk, peacefully. I think you need to make it a point to tell her that the way her ex is talking to her is not acceptable. If she can't sit there and have that conversation and see why its wrong, she has a bigger problem than you even realize. But lets not forget that most people have secrets they don't want others to see, and it doesn't mean they are doing anything like cheating, etc.

Answer 2

I understand how you feel. There are many ways you can handle this situation but you will get different results however you approach the matter. 1) You can contact her ex directly and tell him to stop. If you do this it's guaranteed he will tell your wife and she will get upset with you. She may say you don't trust her and of course this will lead to further problems. 2) You can tell her you trust her and you're comfortable with her having a friendship with her ex only if it's done in your presence. Ask her not to lie to you about it and to be honest. There's no need for her to hide what you already know. By doing this I will suggest for you to find a girlfriend too. 3) Take your wife to a romantic and sexy place where she will be comfortable to talk to you about whats she feels. Make sure the night is about her. Try and spark up your sex life by finding out her intimate desires. This usually works but again she may not want to do anything depending how long the relationship has gone bad. Finally I just want you to know that in all relationships in order to work you must have trust. In the reality is you don't always end up with the person you love the most. If she cheats you will always be haunted by the insecurity in a relationship. You will not be happy with this person. Try to end the relationship in good terms for the sake of your family. Good Luck my friend.

Answer 3

you are in atlanta and a few things come first. it is the home of the pimp player and the other woman. apparently you have a woman with issues that she brought into the relationship. when in the a and dating take the girl around all her ex,s accidentally cause women are good at compartmentaling their feelings and issues which leaves them unresolved and you wide open for hurt. go on the web and replace the game giver with new and upcoming prospects. you are allowing your feelings to get you hurt cause you want what you want , but what you need is a kick in the *** and to give her a dose of you can be replaced . then replace that ***. and the best revenge is doing good so pull your credit report and put people on automatic bill pay for a dollar a day to pay them off to give your credit a super boost through the roof and be aq man an do not settle for nothing less than what you deserve. most of the times what we want is not what wants us change your parameters and get a better definition of a mate and definitely see the jim carrey movie yes . seems like you need to follow his example cause it worked for me and all my homies who got the hell outta there. it is really for the swingers and players till you find someone with nothing else to see. unless you are what they are seeing. dont sound like you from there

Answer 4

What you need to do is write her a letter about what you feel and why you feel that way. That would prevent a whole lot of yelling and arguing. But when writing the letter re-read it the day after, that way you won't regret anything. Don't write anything that you do not mean. That way she can understand your side and maybe she'll open her eyes about her actions.

Hopefully this helps.

Answer 5

Do you go to church? If yes talk to your paster about it with him,If you don't go to church you need to and you & her live with the lord way, you two can set down and read the bible with each other the bible talks about lieing also the bible talks about lot of things in are day of life today I thank it would help you and her to see the way of life to be like,Love each other She mybe talking to her ex because your not giving her the sex she needs.

Answer 6

unless there are children involved, EXs should remain EXs. no contact. no email, calls, IMs, etc